Mark Morford Gets His Hands On a MacBook Pro
2006-11-19
While I am on the subject of new Mac experiences, Mark Morford, writing for the San Francisco Chronicle, vividly and hilariously describes his new Macbook Pro:
I have right here in my hot little hands that actually aren't all that little and are only slightly warm at the moment a brand new lick-ready smooth-as-love Apple MacBook Pro Core 2 Duo Super Orgasm Deluxe Ultrahard Modern Computing Device Designed by God Herself Somewhere in the Deep Moist Vulva of Cupertino Yes Yes Don't Stop Oh My God Yes.
He exaggerates, of course, but not by much. Apple is going to drag the whole industry, kicking and screaming, weighed down by the rolled-over SUV that is Microsoft to a new place. Here is Microsoft's own marketing effort, describing Vista and why you should have it:
Windows Vista introduces a breakthrough user experience and is designed to help you feel confident in your ability to view, find, and organize information and to control your computing experience.
The visual sophistication of Windows Vista helps streamline your computing experience by refining common window elements so you can better focus on the content on the screen rather than on how to access it. The desktop experience is more informative, intuitive, and helpful. And new tools bring better clarity to the information on your computer, so you can see what your files contain without opening them, find applications and files instantly, navigate efficiently among open windows, and use wizards and dialog boxes more confidently.
See the disconnect here? Microsoft markets Vista like it is a cure for something socially unacceptable like smelly feet, not as something pleasurable and desirable like chocolate. They describe what you get, but they don't show anyone getting it. It's techno-twaddle, speeds and feeds, data points and powerpoint bullets. I've never sat down at my Mac either wanting or expecting a "computing experience" any more than I have gone into my bank seeking a "financial experience" or got into my car for an "internal combustion experience".
I come here to get things done and expect the computer and the operating system to get out of my way and let me do them. I don't care about files, information, processes, window elements, visual sophistication, or any of that. And suddenly boatloads of people are discovering that despite what they have been told, they don't care either. They just want to get things done. And that they actually can is an emotional and freeing experience. Mike Morford again:
She became excited. She became suddenly thrilled with the idea that she could, with a little effort and time and far less grudging techy BS than even she imagined, use these divinely inspired and thoughtfully made tools to make the movies she has always wanted, even stylize and edit and post them herself. Empowering? You said it.
And that describes the same one way trip that millions are making now.
I have right here in my hot little hands that actually aren't all that little and are only slightly warm at the moment a brand new lick-ready smooth-as-love Apple MacBook Pro Core 2 Duo Super Orgasm Deluxe Ultrahard Modern Computing Device Designed by God Herself Somewhere in the Deep Moist Vulva of Cupertino Yes Yes Don't Stop Oh My God Yes.
He exaggerates, of course, but not by much. Apple is going to drag the whole industry, kicking and screaming, weighed down by the rolled-over SUV that is Microsoft to a new place. Here is Microsoft's own marketing effort, describing Vista and why you should have it:
Windows Vista introduces a breakthrough user experience and is designed to help you feel confident in your ability to view, find, and organize information and to control your computing experience.
The visual sophistication of Windows Vista helps streamline your computing experience by refining common window elements so you can better focus on the content on the screen rather than on how to access it. The desktop experience is more informative, intuitive, and helpful. And new tools bring better clarity to the information on your computer, so you can see what your files contain without opening them, find applications and files instantly, navigate efficiently among open windows, and use wizards and dialog boxes more confidently.
See the disconnect here? Microsoft markets Vista like it is a cure for something socially unacceptable like smelly feet, not as something pleasurable and desirable like chocolate. They describe what you get, but they don't show anyone getting it. It's techno-twaddle, speeds and feeds, data points and powerpoint bullets. I've never sat down at my Mac either wanting or expecting a "computing experience" any more than I have gone into my bank seeking a "financial experience" or got into my car for an "internal combustion experience".
I come here to get things done and expect the computer and the operating system to get out of my way and let me do them. I don't care about files, information, processes, window elements, visual sophistication, or any of that. And suddenly boatloads of people are discovering that despite what they have been told, they don't care either. They just want to get things done. And that they actually can is an emotional and freeing experience. Mike Morford again:
She became excited. She became suddenly thrilled with the idea that she could, with a little effort and time and far less grudging techy BS than even she imagined, use these divinely inspired and thoughtfully made tools to make the movies she has always wanted, even stylize and edit and post them herself. Empowering? You said it.
And that describes the same one way trip that millions are making now.
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